Mayday

I remember watching movies and hearing, “Mayday, mayday!” as an actor clutched a handset yelling for help into the great unknown.

This May has been a whirlwind. I’ve been working hard on the Charlotte Leukemia Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Man of the Year campaign. We were tapped to participate a handful of days prior to kickoff and we are a team of 2 competing against others who are fundraising for the LLS. Other people have teams of ten or more and planned events for months, which is very impressive. But I got to tell you…I’m exhausted. I think I could have been a professional fundraiser if I wasn’t a writer, it employs many of the same specialities as film and television production- tenacity and not taking no for an answer. But it hasn’t left me much mind space for writing.

Until now. We’re at the home stretch. Tomorrow we are hosting a wine tasting, next Saturday, May 18 is the LLS Gala and then (hands flew up over my head) I’m done. My creative mind knows it will have my full attention. It’s bubbling with story ideas and plot points for TWO stories. I can’t believe it. I have two more book ideas in mind. I’m so excited! I can’t believe I can write more than one book.

And then another thought creeps into my mind. Mother’s Day. In my household I have a simple request. My husband has to take over Mommy duties for the day. I don’t want overpriced flowers- get them for me all year not on one day- I don’t want an expensive brunch. I want him to make the coffee, challah french toast, cook and clean, go to the grocery store and do the laundry including taking it out of the drier and folding it! I want him to be reminded of how hard it is to do it all. And I am happy to say, he does it.

But then I think about my struggle to have another child and remember there are women in our world who haven’t been able to fulfill their desire to have a family. I imagine Mother’s Day is hard for them. My heart breaks knowing a little bit of how they feel.

And now the story of the three girls and their child held captive comes out. I can’t wrap my brain around the horror they survived. The pain and grief their captivity caused their mother’s and families. I am thankful they are once again with their families. But I for one will be chaperoning my daughter for a long long long long long time.

And this is why I am calling, “Mayday!” There is so much good and bad, happy and sad going on this month. I am torn, elated, pushed and pulled, and I want to pause and take a breath. Hope this month has been a good one for you.

 

Query Advice

So, most of you are aware that I wrote a Young Adult novel and am actively querying it to literary agents. I worked for years on my manuscript, worshopped it, paid for critiques, had trusted friends give me notes, started over, revised, killed darlings, filled out chapters and poured all that I am into this book.

I’d like to pass along one tidbit of information to you, my fellow writers, about querying. First off, let me confess, I was a nervous wreck about writing my own query. I tried one hundred and fifty-six times to condense my work into a few short paragraphs. A skill that takes a keen eye and precision. Neither of which I possess when it comes to my own work. I have helped at least fifteen friends do this with their novels and memoirs, but simply haven’t transferred the ability magically to my own work. It’s so aggravating. That being said, I did finally write a query, I thought it was good and when I thought I’d written the best book I could ever write, and after I had an editor go through my manuscript and correct my poor comma usage, typos and grammar I began the process of sending my work out into the world.

I created an excel spreadsheet. The header has: date submitted, agent, agency, agency website, email address, submission guidelines, response date, notes. Next I researched the agents. I saw who represented books I love, books my friends wrote, I went to the SCBWI website and checked into their list of agents, I get Publishers Marketplace, I clicked on agent reviews, querytracker, I read agency websites, paid attention to submission guidelines, found interviews and read them, I did everything I could think of and then some to build the list of agents to query. I want to find someone who will love my book and be my advocate.

What I didn’t understand, and what I hope to spare you from, is like everything else having to do with writing, it takes revision before your work is ready. There is a learning curve with query letters, even if you think you’re a smarty pants. And man-oh-man did I smash my face against it. I admit my Rookie Error in an earlier post, where I quote an agent who reviewed my book at an SCBWI event telling the other agent how much she liked the mother daughter relationship. But guess what, that agent didn’t ask for my book, and so all the agents I sent that what I thought pertinent information actually thought was, “Ms. G passed. I will too.” Don’t do that people. Don’t tell an agent another agent liked an aspect of your work. They don’t care unless that agent wants your book and then let the war start.

I studied my query, I read other queries, I got new perspective on my work and then I REVISED MY QUERY, over and over before submitting the query to other agents.

Now here is where my bit of advice come is. When you create your dream list of agents, my suggestion is…..

DON’T SEND YOUR QUERY TO THE TOP FIVE FIRST. Make your mistakes and learn but don’t push away a potential  agent with silly mistakes. Get your sea legs. Figure out what works best for you and your story and then go for it!

Hope to see you all on a bookshelf soon!

Defining Success

If you ask me to define success, my answer would depend on the day. Today, it means I achieved the literary goal of submitting my novel to the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. I had to achieve four smaller goals on the ladder reaching toward the ultimate goal of having my book on your bookshelf (and everyone you know’s bookshelf).

The goals took herculean effort. I added over four thousand words to my young adult novel in less than one week and did my best to smooth out the edges of those words, that became scenes and dialogue, so that they fit into my book seemlessly. I stayed up late. I kept an open notebook next to my bed with a pen at the ready for those ideas that elluded me during the day. I made myself keep my ass in the chair and made myself write even when it got numb, my daughter came home early from school and when dinner had to get made.( We ate too much frozen pizza last week, I’m not that good!)

I wrote even when I thought I couldn’t and I kept at it when I felt like I was failing, when each word dragged me down the path of self doubt. I struggled against hating my work. I changed the title of my book to What Death has Touched. I rewrote my pitch too. I pushed past the fear of sucking and embarrassing myself in a very public way. I posted on Facebook that I was entering the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest, so I couldn’t quit. And then I hated myself for telling everyone in case I don’t make it past the first round.

If it weren’t for my friend Lisa Koosis setting fire under my ass I would never have done it.  She reminded me about the contest and said she was going to submit and I thought, hmm, maybe I could, too. Then my uncle passed, my daughter had surgery and life got a bit more hectic than anticpated. All those luxurious days I thought I’d have to edit and revise were gone. So I did what it took to reignite my passion, I gave myself an impossible deadline. I uploaded what I had and announced my entry on FB knowing full well the book had to be revised to meet the guidelines. Now I had to do it. There was no turning back. I am not a liar. I told 500 people I was in, dam straight I was going to be!

I double-dog-dared myself and leaned on Lisa for help. I sent her emails filled with self dout and fear. I told her the probability of me losing and then got back to the work at hand. She cheered me on. Each one of these things is a success. I hate when people quote,  ”It’s about the journey not the destination.” Fuck that. It’s both.

It’s about working harder than you ever thought you could to achieve a dream and not quiting. It’s about checking off attainable boxes that drag you the higher goals kicking and sweating. I have a quote posted on my board, it says:

AS ONE PUBLISHED AUTHOR ONCE TOLD ME, “IT’S A WAR OF ATTRICIAN. DO NO ATTRICE!”

So I’m happy to say I did it. Ironically the contest closed before the closing date of January 27, 11:59 PM because 10,000 people had entered (it closed at 10k or 1/28 whichever came first). I didn’t get to upload the last version of my book What Death has Touched, but honestly that doesn’t upset me. I did what I thought was impossible to do. I wrote a book. I rewrote a book and revised it and sweat over it and critiqued it and hated it and loved it and am shopping it. I am one stubborn woman. And today I am not wallowing in my lack of control over what happens to it next, no, today I am working on my next novel because this is who I am. I am a glutton for punishment, I am a writer.

What the hell is holding you back? Get over it!

Dictionary.com’s definition:

suc·cess noun

1.the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts orendeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.

2.the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3.a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as bythe attainment of honors: The play was an instant success.

4. a person or thing that has had success, as measured byattainment of goals, wealth, etc.: She was a great success on the talkshow.

5.Obsolete , outcome.

Forwarding the blog post: I am Adam Lanza’s Mother

With so much debate about things I have the need to talk about people. I can’t fathom the grief in Newtown. I don’t want to. I cried when I brought my little girl to preschool this morning. My apprehension and fear to drop her off at school surprised me. I didn’t want to get out of the car. I turned around and saw her buckled into her car seat, a big smile on her face, a birthday gift for her friend on her lap, she was the picture of innocence. I didn’t want to alarm her, I didn’t want my fear to infect her. I didn’t want the shooter’s terrorism to win. So I smiled and told her how pretty she looked. My little girl gave me a big toothy smile. I drank it in, taking note of the spaces between her baby teeth, how her red rain coat with its white polka dots was zipped up over her chin.

“This way it doesn’t pinch my neck,” my little girl said.

I laughed at her brilliance. I got out of the car and waited for her to climb down from the back seat. I enjoyed the pressure of her hand as she clasped mine. I felt how strong her grip was. Was she holding on tighter today too?

I saw police standing guard. I am grateful to the Charlotte Jewish Preschool for hiring extra security and I loved having a police presence there. I walked with her into the school, we said, “Hi,” and waved to the police, we took the stairs one flight up to her classroom. She delivered the birthday present to her friend and got busy with helping her teacher.

“Give me hugs and kisses.” I was stalling

“I love you very much.”

“I love you very much too, Mommy.”

I stepped out of the room, not wanting to leave her. I felt helpless.

I stopped to chat with another mother, I felt heat rise and tears burn the back of my eyes as I tried to control myself.

“I didn’t know,” I said.

“Me too,” she said.

I passed familiar faces. The school staff did everything to make today feel like any day instead of the day after,  for the kids. They were successful. I am grateful for that too.

I reflect on the funerals happening today. I keep thinking about the brave Liza Long. Who wrote the blog about being the mother of a mentally ill son. My heart breaks for everyone. I think Liza does an excellent job being honest. I’d like to show my support by sharing her link The Blue Review. My sincere wish is that mental hospitals help more. There are parents out there screaming for help. Let’s get it to them.

Taste & Timing

I think I’m finished, totally finished with my manuscript LIFE-LIKE. It’s in expert hands getting a grammatical once-over. Why can’t I take a deep breath and enjoy the small success? Neurotic Holly is taking full shape behind me. She’s typically spectral and whispers nonsense in my ears, encouraging me to doubt and second guess my choices.

But now that Halloween is fast approaching that bitch is getting stronger and is wearing a full on Elvira outfit. Sexy ain’t cute when it’s my own self doubt. You see, I made changes to the book, after I thought it was done, and now I’m not sure if I helped or hurt my story. I can’t see the words on the page, can’t feel the emotions behind the scenes I wrote. I’m too close. My tweakinghas gone on too long and now I’m officially done. If my friend doesn’t like the changes I made I’m going to revert to the older version and send it out. I know for sure it’s all a matter of taste.

I attended the SCBWI Carolina’s 20th Annual Fall conference. It was good. I got to meet new writers, talk to new acquaintances and have two critiques. The feedback in the critiques was fascinating, and also lead me to believe it’s time to set my book free and being querying.

You see, one note said it was offensive that my protagonist, Liv, looks at herself in the mirror and fixes her hair in a low ponytail so her Jewish nose wouldn’t look too big. The critique by, Anna Olswanger, agent at Liza Dawson Associates, said “I was risking making readers not like Liv, and the manuscript has too much potential to risk that.” Being a Jewish girl who has a Jewish nose, I didn’t agree and found it interesting how this agent latched onto that description. Ms. Olswanger also went on to say, “My book was marketable, and it was refreshing that my book shows a mother and daughter who love each other.” She was not a fan of the initial tone of my narrator but “the writing flows, and the dialogue is snappy. The high school setting is believable, as are the characters.”

Good stuff right? But it took my reading her critique five times to see the good points and not the stuff she didn’t like.

I also participated in First Pages. This is an event where Alan Gratz, reads the first 200 words of participants manuscripts aloud to two editors and one agent to get immediate feedback. I was scared and excited. I love how Alan reads. And when I heard him read mine, I was thrilled because he read the words as I imagined them while writing. He spoke Liv’s voice, and it was awesome! That being said, one editor and the agent didn’t dig it. The third editor, Susan Chang, Senior Editor Tor Books said, “I don’t like the use of the word ass, I think it’s meant to shock me, and I’m not sure about the starting on one direction and then shifting to another but, I would keep reading. And that my dears is all that matters!

At least that is what I keep telling myself. The other notes I received were all a matter of taste and timing. I have no control over those things. If an agent reads my query or work on a day they’re not in the mood for a story about death and limbo, or if they read enough characters named Liv, or they don’t get the spiritual element or they didn’t drink enough coffee, they’re tired and not in the mood to go through queries but are doing it anyway because maybe one thing will catch their attention, well i can’t do anything about that. I’ve done all I can to make LIFE-LIKE the best I can. So fingers crossed, it will strike a chord with an agent who will be able to sell it so in 2014 you can read it.

In the meantime, I’ve got to hog tie Elvira and get cracking on the next book. Because writers write, we can’t help ourselves. And I don’t’ quit.

 

 

Week 18: The Next Big Thing Blog Hop

I’m excited to be part of the Next Big Thing blog hop. I was tagged by a wonderful writer, Lisa Koosis, Who answered the same ten questions on her own blog, writingonthinice.blogspot.com, last Wednesday.

What is the working title of your book? LIFE-LIKE
Where did the idea come from for the book? The story originated from an essay about loss. I had a miscarriage and couldn’t deal with writing about real life so my mentor at the time Rachel Resnick suggested I write fiction. The original first draft was a short story was about a dimension jumping dragon who haunts a little girl and ultimately falls in love with her and tries to be born as her baby but dies.  After a year of working on the story , and many changes, there is no dragon,and the story became about Liv.
What genre does your book fall under? Young Adult, high concept the rest is up for grabs. Spritiual, paranormal, or magical realism.
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition? This is easy, I’ve been thinking about this for a while:

Liv: Olivia Thirlby

Maude: Rachel Weisz

Robert: Ian Somerhalder

Mary: Blake Lively

English: Blake Lively at the 2011 Time 100 gala. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Charlie: Emile Hirsch

Emile Hirsch at the premiere of Speed Racer at the 2008 Tribeca Film Festival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? This is where I fall apart- sorry. Here are a few short sentences: Liv is dead.  She just doesn’t know it.  And she will have to relive the eighteenth of December again and again to figure it out.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency? I’m querying agents now.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? Once I figured out the story it took one year to have a complete first draft.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver and ELSEWHERE by Gabrielle Zevin.
Who or What inspired you to write this book? The compulsion is all mine.
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest? That’s a loaded question. I hope readers identify with Liv and like the writing. If you want to know more- here you go:

Liv wakes up Tuesday, December eighteenth believing the worst part of her day will be midterms. She has no idea in a few short hours she and her mother will be obliterated by an oncoming car in front of her high school. Liv mistakenly turns away from heaven’s light and lands in a self-constructed limbo where she is forced to relive the last day or her life and death over and over again.

Liv’s mother, Maude, a flighty artist in life, regrets her selfish parenting style and enters Liv’s limbo hoping save her. Unfortunately, Maude begins decomposing.

As Liv seeks a solution to her outrageous dilemma, she encounters a dead girl with a distinct drinking problem, a Goth tarot reader who reads Liv’s future with uncanny accuracy, a stalker who turns out to be the instrument of Liv’s death, a conspiracy of ravens who are actually angels, and a dead man who has come for her mother.

Liv’s attempts to change events of the day don’t save anyone, and Liv must move on or risk suffering a horrible eternal afterlife.

Tagged for next week – you’re it!

Kimberely Griffiths Little www.kimberleygriffithslittle.com

Amy E. Robertson www.amyiswriting.com

Ann Eisentein http://www.anneisenstein.com

Husband’s Feedback

My husband liked my book. I’ll paraphrase his kind words.

“You managed to accomplish what 95% of people who start a book don’t. You finished it. And of the five percent who finish only three percent write a good book. This is a good book.” He hugged me too. That was a wonderful. And there was no way that was all he had to say.

The week before I gave my book to him, I sent a copy to Kimberley Griffiths Little. She sent me positive feedback the same day my husband finished reading my book. Her feedback began:

I’ve finished reading and enjoyed it very much. You have a unique premise and twists and turns that are great. Your descriptions are really good, very beautiful in places. I also got a good sense of Ventura Beach and the setting, especially when they’re in the car with Mary and she’s drinking, etc. The kissing scenes with Billy are really, really good, too! Very sexy.

She treated me like a professional and gave me a critique on how to improve my book. I immediately wrote her back and thanked her for her insights and got to work brainstorming so I could meet her challenge and raise the bar on my work, bringing it to the next level. Kimberley believes if I do it successfully I will have more interest in LIFE-LIKE. How could I refuse? No, not me, not this girl! Why would I let two years of work go to waste because my ego got a bit scuffed? It doesn’t matter that I thought I was done revising it until my dream agent took me as a client and gave me a few notes. The gauntlet was set, and I was going to work my way through it.

After my husband gave me his feedback I told him what she said. He agreed. Her note made sense to him. It made sense to me too, but there was a teeny bit of disbelief in me. You see, they reminded me I don’t always put what’s in my mind on the page. It’s a VERY ANNOYING habit. I don’t recommend it if you’re a writer.

I needed to deepen the back story and interpersonal relationships between my main characters. The only way I could invision doing that was to add drama. So I thought of a scenario that makes the mother a little less likable, eek, but gave a greater motivation for the chain reaction that follows. It took me all day Thursday, to write five pages. I had to believe in the changes, see them, feel them, and write them. That meant making a few big edits.

I loved the opening page of my book. But it’s changing with this revision. I never imagined this fight I created. If it’s making me this uncomfortable does that mean it’s good? Were my characters too likable? (Insert heavy sigh.) The ripple throughout the book is going to flex my mental and imaginative muscles. I feel my darlings lining up against the firing wall. It feels like bits and pieces of me are being killed too.

And I can’t talk about my anxiety with my husband, he doesn’t want to listen to me as I pace around the house flinging my hands in the air working out the details. He sees the work I do but doesn’t always understand it.

Since I have to vent my anxiety,  you’re getting a full dose. I don’t want to send out a sub-par book. I want it to be better than anyone expects. Sometimes the best creativity is twisted out of us by outside forces. And I am thankful that the forces behind me have my best interest at heart. I just hope I can deliver and survive the change in my characters.

 

Quick video clip

I am a writer. I like being behind the scenes, so excuse the awkwardness of my first vlog. I wanted to try something new.

Click on the Youtube link to see what I did this morning.

http://youtu.be/Ckz1CaekOa4

What have you done that makes you happy?

Revisions, rewriting and doubting my own work

I’ve hit that point in the process of writing my first YA book where I’ve fallen out of love. Like any long term relationships it has ups and downs. This is normal. I checked in with Samantha Dunn to make sure. I didn’t trust myself. I would have asked Kimberely Griffiths Little to hold my hand through my neurotic moment, but she is very busy with her own revisions to her books that I didn’t want to bog her down with my shit.

I’ve had a disappointing week. I didn’t win the Pen Parentis Fellowship. I haven’t heard back from two different magazines about essays I submitted, I sent a short story out to Cricket and I check my mailbox every day for my SASE, and I ventured into WriteOncon and my stuff didn’t get the attention of any ninja agents, or much feedback in general and my ego is screaming HEY YOU! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WHY AREN’T YOU NOTICING ME? PLEASE LOVE ME, I NEED YOU TO FALL IN LOVE WITH LIFE-LIKE!

Instead of accolades I’ve had to deal with the reality that writing is brutally hard often isolating work. This stack of paper represents the last four months of work. The pile depicts two binders containing drafts of LIFE-LIKE.As you can see, it’s four inches thick. And that doesn’t include all the paper I’ve recycled. At first this amount of writing felt like an accomplishment, however after putting my manuscript down for two weeks and letting an editor correct my grammatical errors I picked it up and read it through, as a book on the printed page, and the feelings of achievement were replaced with doubts. I looked at all those pages and the years of work they represent and thought, this stinks.

All I saw was a flaw. I always felt a lull in the writing at a certain point, I felt myself run out of steam, and as a reader with fresh eyes the lull screams at me, “Hey Holly, this sentence isn’t as good as the rest. It has to be. Get back to it.” Or in the ever brilliant words of Tod Goldberg, “This part of your story doesn’t suck. You must write it all on that level.” (he said that to me way back when in 2004 when I was working on a short story) I think it’s good that I can recognize weakness in my work but now I had to figure out how to make it better.

I paced, watched sad movies, then I watched action movies, did errands and even folded the laundry but nothing came to me. I read and reread the offending chapters. And I pinpointed where the changes would have to come in the book. I understood I must up the ante, increase tension and drama and that is difficult to write. I do know enough about my process to accept that I layer one thing(character development, plot, setting) in at a time per draft. I was happy to see the changes I made previously are consistent throughout the book. But they are too consistent. Who wants to read that?

My self-pity and the realization of how much work I have to do led me to self loathing.

And then I figured out one idea that can be turned into a scene that will change everything. Now I have to write it. And I have to write at least three to five chapters that carry that momentum forward before the emotional end. And I’m begging my imagination and my guides and God to help me do it now. I want all the ideas to flood in and I want my fingers to have difficulty keeping up with the story, but that isn’t happening.

That’s when doubt came along and sat next to my computer screen and stared at me. See him? He’s a crabby little bugger. Doubt is trying to convince me I can’t do it. I can’t fix the story or sell it. I think I’m going to have to show that crafty bugger he’s wrong. I’ve got to go. LIFE-LIKE is calling to me. We have unfinished business.

Revised Synopsis

I posted a synopsis a few days ago…and I posted that same one to WriteOnCon, but in true artistic neurotic form, I got help and now have a better one.  Do you agree?

Synopsis LIFE-LIKE

by Holly Raychelle Hughes

Liv is dead.  She just doesn’t know it.  And she will have to relive the eighteenth of December again and again to figure it out.

When Liv’s mom shows up at home with a gaping hole in her head, it doesn’t take much convincing for Liv to realize her mother isdead.  But, even as Liv embarks on a mission to save her mom from deteriorating into a maternal apparition that will haunt her forever, what she doesn’t know is that Mom has come back to save her.

As Liv seeks a solution to her outrageous dilemma, she encounters a dead girl with a distinct drinking problem, a Goth tarot reader who reads Liv’s future with uncanny accuracy, a stalker who turns out to be the instrument of Liv’s death, a conspiracy of ravens who are actually angels, and a dead man who has come for her mother.

And even after Liv realizes her own death, she is still trapped in limbo, fighting the ravens and turning away from her own salvation.  She relives her death, attempting to save her mother and herself, and, in the process, falls in love with her best friend.

But changing events doesn’t save anyone, and Liv must move on or risk suffering a horrible eternal afterlife.  But how can she?  She’s just on the cusp of life with a budding love and high school midterms.  She’s not ready to die!

Liv’s journey takes the reader on an emotional and adventurous ride as she discovers love, experiences regret and guilt, and, ultimately, seeks forgiveness and understanding.  In the end, she finds not only her Heaven but also her long-lost father—and her true meaning for being.