Met with my OBGYN yesterday. It’s been practically five years since I went to see one for a regular PAP smear. I thought, after giving up on ever getting pregnant again, it was time for a check up and PAP.
My new doctor, Jack Lucas, MD at Eastover Obstetrics & Gynaecology Associates was wonderful. He took time to sit and talk to me before getting down to the business at hand. If you need an OBGYN in the Charlotte, N.C. I’d suggest seeing this man.
During our conversation I brought up my irregular cycle. I was curious if going back on the pill was a good option. He agreed that it was, and told me more about Seasonique, which is a low estrogen pill that gives women the option to only have a period four times per year. This was appealing to me. My period may show up anywhere from day 21- 35 so, knowing that my periods would be much farther apart sounds heavenly.
Of course after discussing birth control the, I wanted to conceive and have another baby, part of my brain hit the alarm button.
“What if you have some kind of miracle? If you go on the pill that will quash any chance of that ever happening. And why spend all that money on the pill when you’re infertile? Isn’t ironic to spend money on tricking your body into thinking it’s pregnant when it can never be again?”
“Ouch, bitch that hurts.”
“Well don’t say.”
“You’re the one thinking it. Let it out. You don’t have to do it this month. Wait, just one more month.”
“Do you know how much I hate the idea of “waiting one more month”? I’ve lived like that for three years. It’s a miserable way to live!”
“It leaves room for hope and miracles.”
“Exactly, it’s a fucking miserable way to live.”
“Fine, then go get the pill.”
“The silent treatment, really?”
“Not the silent treatment. Just, it still makes me sad. It still hurts knowing that I can’t have another baby. And the hurt doesn’t surface until it’s triggered. Thanks, for triggering it.”
“Come here. I’ll give you a hug. Everything will be okay.”
“I know. Thanks. Hugs always make me feel better.”
“I’m here for you.”