Irony= Going back on the pill when I’m infertile

Met with my OBGYN yesterday. It’s been practically five years since I went to see one for a regular PAP smear. I thought, after giving up on ever getting pregnant again, it was time for a check up and PAP.

My new doctor, Jack Lucas, MD at Eastover Obstetrics & Gynaecology Associates was wonderful. He took time to sit and talk to me before getting down to the business at hand. If you need an OBGYN in the Charlotte, N.C. I’d suggest seeing this man.

During our conversation I brought up my irregular cycle. I was curious if going back on the pill was a good option. He agreed that it was, and told me more about Seasonique, which is a low estrogen pill that gives women the option to only have a period four times per year. This was appealing to me. My period may show up anywhere from day 21- 35 so, knowing that my periods would be much farther apart sounds heavenly.

Of course after discussing birth control the, I wanted to conceive and have another baby, part of my brain hit the alarm button.

“What if you have some kind of miracle? If you go on the pill that will quash any chance of that ever happening. And why spend all that money on the pill when you’re infertile? Isn’t ironic to spend money on tricking your body into thinking it’s pregnant when it can never be again?”

“Ouch, bitch that hurts.”

“Just saying.”

“Well don’t say.”

“You’re the one thinking it. Let it out. You don’t have to do it this month. Wait, just one more month.”

“Do you know how much I hate the idea of “waiting one more month”? I’ve lived like that for three years. It’s a miserable way to live!”

“It leaves room for hope and miracles.”

“Exactly, it’s a fucking miserable way to live.”

“Fine, then go get the pill.”

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“The silent treatment, really?”

“Not the silent treatment. Just, it still makes me sad. It still hurts knowing that I can’t have another baby. And the hurt doesn’t surface until it’s triggered. Thanks, for triggering it.”

“Come here. I’ll give you a hug. Everything will be okay.”

“I know. Thanks. Hugs always make me feel better.”

“I’m here for you.”

riding the baby makin’ train

Last Friday I had my first appointment at REACH. (http://www.northcarolinafertility.com/)

I had questions about my body that needed concrete attention. Working on fertility 3,000 miles away from my OBGYN had failed and instead of repeating futile behavior I decided to take control of my reproductive life.

So on recommendation of cool news friends who had success using REACH I decided to go. Better yet, my man candy agreed to go too. And ever better still my insurance covers some of the visit, talk about a bonus!

Dr. Whitesides won the lottery of me because the other doctor who was recommended had another obligation to attend on the day and time we were available, and we were not interested in waiting another month to see her.

I liked him. He was the perfect fit for our family. Dr. Whitesides is direct, quick with a pap smear and personable. The good news he delivered is I’m not broken. Things look good inside and he sees no reason why we can’t successfully have a baby. He responded well to the information that I am seeing an acupuncturist weekly and even encouraged me to continue. He also said he would have taken me off Clomid after the first month because of my reaction to it. Boy do I wish I met him in October!

Dr. Whitesides was pleased when I told him we are not interested in IVF. He doesn’t believe my eggs would like all that man handling outside of my body. He said if my end goal is to have a baby that he would suggest I use a donor egg.

Even though having a child is what I hope for, I am not down with that. My intention is not to have a baby at all costs, I have an amazing daughter, perhaps if I didn’t I would consider that option.

We all agreed to try IUI. (http://www.northcarolinafertility.com/intrauterine-insemination.asp) It seems to fit in with what my husband and I can handle emotionally and financially.

So away we go farther down the tracks on the baby making train.