I believe in soul contracts

I believe in soul contracts.  I believe that before we enter this life we ostensibly sit down with G-d and say, sign me up for this, that, and some of those challenges and I’d like to be a part of Joe, Susan and Peter’s lives again.  Oh and I see Patricia and I still have karma to work out throw some of that in there too. And our soul is joyous to sign up for love, pain, struggle, commitment, success, failure, passion, rage, fetishes and an array of other delightful life adventures.

Then we are born and become confined by our humanity. We don’t remember what we signed up for or why and when life begins handing us adversity, stress or just a crappy moment, day or year passes and we think WTF!  I know that struggle makes me stronger. I know a butterfly wouldn’t be able to fly unless it pushed its way out of a cocoon, but for right now, in this moment, I feel that my soul is a bit sadistic.

Let me tell you why. I survived losing my home in the middle of the night twice- once to a fire in 1986 when I was 17 and again when I was 24 to the 1994Northridge Earthquake. I was raped at 15. I had a starter marriage (got married young and thankfully divorced the man who whittled away all my self esteem and respect) and last year I suffered the loss of 2 miscarriages.  All these painful things are bubbling to the surface of my consciousness, as I get ready to move again. (I’ve moved 14 times since 1993) I don’t know why this happens. None of those events defines me. They don’t affect my day to day life but they are experiences I call upon in my writing. And moving generates enormous anxiety for me. Why do I do it?  I don’t like stuffing my life into boxes, although I enjoy starting over.

I enjoy the adventure of a new environment. Of meeting new people, trying new things and the adventure that is awaiting me just past all the stress of selling the house we live in now, the uncertainty of my husband’s new job and the hope that we will conceive a healthy baby and welcome him or her into our family.

I live my life in a way that some of my friends call daring. I make choices and I go for it instead of settling.

Is there anything you would change in your life? Is it possible to do it? What holds you back? Do you believe in a soul agreement? What did you sign up for? Are you avoiding any of it?


6 thoughts on “I believe in soul contracts

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  1. Your wonderful post reminding me of something a Pastor once said. “Based on the pain that has been part of your life up till now. Do you really want to know what’s ahead?” To your question> Yes I am holding back .

  2. Well, as a matter of fact, yes!! I love the idea of a soul contract; it’s the only reasonable explanation for all the crap we put up with. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I do believe that you have to smash your way out of life cocoons, or you just wind up an ugly brown lump stuck to a leaf.

    So, what would I do differently? I have a whole list of things I wish hadn’t happened, or that I’d been wise enough to do differently, but the thing is, they’ve all changed the course of my life and brought something wonderful eventually. Right now, today, I love the life I have, so no, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  3. I’ve many soul contracts…some with God, some I believe with the devil…but all in all…the contracts stand. To enter or leave a life, to hold or withhold love, to chose to exist or to chose to live. With this in mind…with all of our challenges, one thing is for certain…the love of a true friend is greater than the love of a man and a definite close second to the love of a child. It carries you knowing no judgment will be held, honesty will be spoken, and all changes will be accepted – even if not agreed upon. You, my dear, have always been and always will be, my true friend.

  4. A friend sent me this response, I enjoyed it so much I wanted to share w/ you…

    Just read your blog and enjoyed every bit. What do I believe? I believe in living each day as it comes. I enjoy the selfish moments along with being overly generous. I believe you must have crap in order to enjoy the good. I believe you need to be kind to everyone; unless they are a total shit head. I hate haters and love those who want to be in the moment. I believe in second chances but never a third. I believe in finding the good in everything you can.
    Giggling at the absurd is a must in order to deal with all the crap that comes your way (at least for me) and glad you share the same ideal.

  5. I do think that life is a crazy journey filled with unexpected delights and tragedies. We all seem to understand this basic principle yet fail to completly embrace it by feeling sorry for oneself or thinking “only bad things happen to me”. You have to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good.
    Life is what you make of it, expect the unexpected and embrace the challenges.

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