Still Counting

I wish I could tell you all of my neurotic behaviors regarding getting pregnant have all disappeared, but that’s not the case. I am painfully aware of what day of my cycle I’m at. I am still taking the folic acid, prenatal vitamins and the last of the FertilAid ( that’s in my pantry 3x a day. I tell myself I’m doing it so they don’t go to waste, but really it’s a compulsion like a germ-a-phobe who washes her hands after touching things. And I’m still marking my calendar denoting the days we’ve done it.

None of it matters and I know it, but I can’t help it. I’ve been doing this sort of thing for two years. Old habits die-hard. My exercise routine hasn’t erased the pattern. I’m wondering how I’ll react once I finish the bottles of pills. Will I be ready to face my reality then?


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