Midlife Crisis #1

I think I am having a midlife crisis. And it’s nothing like I imaged. I pictured turning forty (I’m 42) and having a desperate need for a sports car, designer high heels, or an expensive vacation to the Amalfi Coast.

But not, unfortunately my midlife crisis appears to be secondary infertility and depression. WTF! Seriously this is so unglamorous. And I am admitting to depression only because so many friends are worried about me. And I would have sworn on my life that I didn’t have post partum depression after my daughter was born, but enough friends came to me saying I did that I finally gave in and got help and low and behold they were right.

So this is it. My midlife crisis is presenting itself as stress and depression. It’s unfair. I feel cheated. Maybe Jimmy Choo shoes would make me feel better…not! I’m stressed from moving cross country, making new friends, starting a new life, writing a novel, taking clomid, femara, fertility treatments, infertility mistreatments and tests.

I guess if I step back from it all I could understand how all of that could freak a person out, a bit. But this is me. I’m a strong girl! We only get what we can take…right? What if what I should take is help? Maybe a little therapy would bring the happy Holly back. Maybe a little help will ease the exhaustion and give me some energy back.

But I’m telling you now. Once I get myself back in tiptop shape I’m so going to ask for a do-over in the midlife crisis department. Okay?

Anyone else feel this way? Any ICLW women out there dealing with the same thing?


12 thoughts on “Midlife Crisis #1

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    1. Thanks for the support It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations. check out the button below to link to other bloggers on ICLW :)oe http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2011/06/icomleavwe-july-2011/

  1. Me! I’m a fellow/lady ICLWer…and I am depressed and going through a mid-life crisis at 35 from being recently diagnosed as an infertile. I’m depressed instead of celebrating an impending birth. I’m depressed because I have to swallow and inject more medications than I should be just to TTC. I could go on…but I won’t. I’m practicing positive thinking and I love your idea of a do-over. I’d much rather have a crisis where I buy expensive shoes and clothes 🙂

    Thanks for sharing – you’re definitely not the only one. I look forward to following your journey!

  2. Yes, I absolutely understand and hate it! It’s not the way I wanted to have a mid-life crisis either. My daughter just turned 4, been trying for 3 years, and she’s starting preschool soon so now I’m trying to figure out what to do with my days…I always assumed that I would be home with another baby when that happened…how wrong I was…

  3. Hello from ICLW! Even though I don’t know about the whole midlife crissis part of everything because I don’t think I am at that point yet, I know about the frustration, and stress, and especially the depression. I can tell myself all day that it isn’t something I am fighting on a daily basis, but I know better, deep down, and I know that I have a good support system to help me. And now, I am thinking that maybe it is time to get help from an outside source as well. Tell you what though, finding a therapist is hard work. Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. Huggs!!!

    ICLW #114

  4. Depression is tough. Milestone birthdays are tough. Not being able to conceive is tough.

    You are strong in that you are surviving, whether you feel strong or not.


  5. Greetings from another ICLWer. I don’t think I’ve had a midlife crisis yet, but I do know that TTC, IUIs, IVF and constant BFN are definitely stressing and depressing. Not to mention throwing in a new place to live!
    Take care!

  6. I had the exact same mid-life crisis, and you’re right – it isn’t fair! I completely sympathize with you. What a difficult emotional process to endure…and definitely not the fun that a true mid-life crisis should entail.

    Hoping things look up for you very soon. You’re in my thoughts.

    ICLW #104

  7. Hi from ICLW. I totally get it. I just turned 42 last week and feel like I’ve been dealing with a midlife crisis for a while. For me it boils down to: What am I supposed to be doing? I’ve been trying to have a baby since the late 1990s. My career looks like a success but I’m just coasting…really not living up to my potential or doing something I love. I can’t get it together to even TRY to publish all the novels I have lying around in desk drawers. I’m living in a town where I don’t belong. I left where I was because I lived there with my brother who was my best friend and he was killed and I couldn’t really stay after that had happened. There are a lot of good things in my life, but overall I just feel completely lost. Don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or how to figure that out.
    I’d like a much more glamourous version of the midlife crisis, too.
    Hugs to you. I think getting some help for the depression is a great idea. Hang in there…

    1. K,
      Wow, thank you for being so open and honest. I can share from my experiences that life changes are hard, take courage and stamina. I can’t begin to imagine the pain caused by the loss of your brother. I am so sorry. Maybe you pick one thing at a time to change and see how you feel. My family picked up and moved cross country to start a new kind of life and it is full of challenges and rewards. Big hugs to you! 🙂

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