Where is the fairness?

 

With so much tragedy going on in Aurora, Colorado and the NCAA ruling on Penn State I haven’t known what to talk about. My emotions are being pulled this way and that. My heart breaks for those trapped, injured and murdered in a movie theater. My heart breaks again for the victims of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of those in charge at Penn State. I keep wondering where to sense of fairness that is inherent in my biology exists in the rest of the world.

No one said life would be fair, right? But come on.

I have this thing I do whenever a murderer’s photo is shown on television. I don’t look. I hold my hand up to obstruct the image. I don’t contribute to their notoriety. I give them none of my energy because to do so feels wrong. I won’t give in to their narcissism. I won’t remember their names, but rather try to remember those they hurt and pray for the families left behind to cope and struggle with the why?

When I was younger I used to ask, “Why me?” so often that my mother bought me a Garfield poster that said the same thing and I hung it on my ceiling. Every so often I still feel that question creep up. I’ve been through enough that it does seem reasonable that it does. (survived a house fire, survived the 1994 Northridge earthquake– lost my home to both experiences. I was raped at 15, had two miscarriages and now suffer with secondary infertility. Listing not to depress you but give you a scope)

Non of those experiences touches the grief rocking those families in Colorado now. I have no idea how you get over something like that. I hope you all find the support you need. Don’t be afraid to reach out and cry on a shoulder or seek professional help. I pray that the victims that are still in the hospital recover both physically and emotionally. I hope you all get past it because life is less lived when consumed with pain.

xox Holly

 

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