January 21st is my birthday.

This year I turned 44-years-old. This number had me freaking out during the weeks leading up to January 21st. It seems like a number that should have a period or exclamation point after it. It is an even number. Grounded. Solid. I would not use any of these words to define myself. I’m more like this bird hanging out the opposite direction. (image created by Cynthia Decker )


My other perspective on 44 is not good either. Bus 44 used to take kids to Fort Salonga elementary school when I went. It was the other bus in my neighborhood. I rode #33, with Mrs. Higgins. She had red teased hair and semi cat eyed sunglasses with a green tint. I remember her chewing gum, but maybe I’m confusing her with Cher’s character LaVerne. 



I guess the good news is that my imagination is still working. The other things are silly. I know they are, but I must confess I thought I may have accomplished more. I am relentlessly pushy when it comes to attaining goals. And publishing moves ever so slowly. I am working hard at finding the right agent for my work. 

I am also craving mental stimulation and I’m yearning for a creative conversation where my buttons get pushed. I want someone to challenge me, and idea or story I have so I can either get mad and write what I see in my mind or try their suggestion and succeed or fail. I feel like I am idling. I don’t like sitting still. So I am went back to tweaking Life-Like (a title I think I may change to What Death has Touched or go back to Death Becomes Her) and I my mind is zipping chapter ideas around for book #2.

In order to get over my birthday silliness, I asked friends to share memories of me with them on Facebook – to remind me where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I need this perspective. I hope it will help me get off my own back and free myself to write more  creativly. My birthday was very nice. I spent it quietly. Next year I’ll rage! 


8 thoughts on “Birthday

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  1. I really love your titles, but my favorite in the list you mention is What Death has Touched–such a moving title!

    When I’m feeling idle I go jump into books on writing. Donald Mass is one of my favorites, his books always get my wheels turning.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You look so young, I seriously thought you were in your thirties. You wear 44 so well!!!

    1. You are so kind! I’m so glad we met virtually last year- wish you were a bit closer sometimes. Can’t wait to read your stuff. Thaks for the Donald Mass tip, will look into it.

  2. I’ll be 45 this year, I think: I stopped counting at 37. So I’m 37, right! Working on that novel was definitely a good move, had to be done, or you wouldn’t have made the trade. Just don’t trade Winthorpe for a homeless street hustler. Be good.

  3. I had a complete and utter meltdown at 46. No other age has bothered me so much. I think it was because I was no longer in my mid-40’s but had crossed that dreaded line into my almost 50’s. I found 40 liberating and in a weird way when I turned 50 I also found it to be a milestone I could be proud of. Hang in there, like my mom always told me and I’ve found it to be true, the longer you live the better it gets. And Happy belated Birthday!

  4. Holly, You are beautiful and talented. Enjoy every decade as it comes. If you keep a positive attitude you’ll retain your youthfulness despite what the numbers say. I am 82 and still running a full time business and writing every day. My first memoir in in the submission process, looking for an agent and I’ve started a second one. I maintain four blogs and write for three on-line magazines. Life is good! Take advantage of it. You are young, my dear. You just have to believe it.

  5. Happy Birthday Holly and Many Returns of the Day. I turned 49 on the 19th. You do know what that means, don’t you? Fifty. I’ll be effing FIFTY next year. I hope anyway, I’m not knocking getting there but — FIFTY! Can’t wait to see how I handle it.

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