revise and return

Working on my R&R. Took a little over a week to process the suggestions. I used the time to be scared. I was afraid by making the edits my MC voice would change. I was afraid the agent would believe I could just write stories without looping around and repeating myself (MC does this- I hear her this way and apparently like to loop around and repeat myself on the page) I was terrified that I wasn’t good enough and I’d lose the MC voice while simultaneously wanting to try.

I wrote the best book I could. I love it. Really admire my MC, her journey. I can’t believe I came up with the imagery, dediated myself for years on crafting the story without pay, or anyone telling me to write. My ass was in a chair every day working. If not for my friendships with Nicole Garcia, Vanitha Sankaran and Lorin Oberweger I’d be too solitary to create anything worthwhile. I went to workshops, beta readers generously gave me their time and attention. I improved what I loved based on their feedback. Yet, it still isn’t enough…yet.

I recognize the gift the R&R is. I cried. Her notes are in opposition to another agents feedback. (subjective business) But they are concrete. They are doable. I’m gonna do this.

I began making changes. Moving through my resistance. I rearranged chapters amplifying the MC motivation- cutting lots in order to crank up the tension. I am desperately trying to cut passive voice. (curse you passive voice!)

Moving chapters is brutal. Dialogue must be completely rewritten because cause and effect changed. I’m taking my time with these edits. Becasue they may just be the magic pill that helps Dear Dead Drunk Girl get into the hands of readers.

Or I can do all this and the agent may still say, “No.”

And that’ll make me cry- but you know what? I’m a badass mother-f—er and I’m gonna fight the good fight. And I’m going to revise this book and you’re gonna love it!

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