I’m in awe of the Stanford rape victim’s courage and perseverance to prosecute her attacker and to stand strong in the face of so much adversity. This is the link to read if you haven’t already read her statement. She is my hero. She has my support.
Shame on you to all media showing a smiling image of her rapist. Show his mug shot. Don’t be lazy journalists.
My message to the survivor. You will be okay. You will heal. You are amazing.
In my attempt to show solidarity, I will share my story of rape.
I did not tell then. I didn’t prosecute then. I kept my shame a secret for 13 years. Don’t keep rape a secret!
15 years old.
On my parents bed.
While I lay still and thinking
“This is it? This is sex?”
Staring at the blue fern patterned wallpaper
Bleeding in the middle of the bed.
How do I keep this secret?
What did I do to cause this?
How old is he, 20?
My voice, white noise from a transistor
radio across the room saying,
“Stop,” saying, “No.”
My parents aren’t home.
My friend (?) Tina playing pool downstairs
in the living room with this guy’s friends.
15 years old and confused,
He gets up. He’s wearing a condom, where did it
come from? When did he put it on?
He walks away and down the stairs.
Raped and sitting in my blood.
Raped and standing next to my parents bed,
looking at the bright red blood in the middle of the bed.
In the afternoon.
and cleaning up the mess on my parent’s bed.
The dog jumps up and begins licking the bloody sheets.
and not understanding sex or why
he wanted to have sex with me.
15 years old
I stand at the top of the stairs leaning over the black banister
and call him back upstairs.
Everyone in the pool room cheers.
He walks upstairs and I lead him to my bedroom.
Four purple walls covered in Duran Duran posters.
I lay down again.
Stuffed animals bear witness to my platform bed.
There’s another condom.
I try to learn what he is doing.
I try to pretend it’s my choice.
It’s over again.
He goes back downstairs,
I clean myself off.
I put all the sheets in the wash.
I bleed for one week from the wound.
He said he couldn’t believe it was my first time