RAPE

I’m in awe of the Stanford rape victim’s courage and perseverance to prosecute her attacker and to stand strong in the face of so much adversity. This is the link to read if you haven’t already read her statement. She is my hero. She has my support.

Shame on you to all media showing a smiling image of her rapist. Show his mug shot. Don’t be lazy journalists.

My message to the survivor. You will be okay. You will heal. You are amazing.

In my attempt to show solidarity, I will share my story of rape.

I did not tell then. I didn’t prosecute then. I kept my shame a secret for 13 years. Don’t keep rape a secret!

Rape

15 years old.

Raped

On my parents bed.

Raped

While I lay still and thinking

“This is it? This is sex?”

Raped

Staring at the blue fern patterned wallpaper

Raped

Bleeding in the middle of the bed.

Popped.

Raped

How do I keep this secret?

Raped

What did I do to cause this?

Rape.

How old is he, 20?

Raped

My voice, white noise from a transistor

radio across the room saying,

“Stop,” saying, “No.”

Raped.

My parents aren’t home.

Raped

My friend (?) Tina playing pool downstairs

in the living room with this guy’s friends.

Raped

15 years old and confused,

he’s done.

Raped

He gets up. He’s wearing a condom, where did it

come from? When did he put it on?

Raped

He walks away and down the stairs.

Raped and sitting in my blood.

Raped and standing next to my parents bed,

looking at the bright red blood in the middle of the bed.

Raped

In the afternoon.

Raped

and cleaning up the mess on my parent’s bed.

Raped

The dog jumps up and begins licking the bloody sheets.

Raped

and not understanding sex or why

he wanted to have sex with me.

Raped

15 years old

I stand at the top of the stairs leaning over the black banister

and call him back upstairs.

Everyone in the pool room cheers.

Raped

He complies.

He walks upstairs and I lead him to my bedroom.

Four purple walls covered in Duran Duran posters.

Raped

I lay down again.

Stuffed animals bear witness to my platform bed.

There’s another condom.

I try to learn what he is doing.

Raped

I try to pretend it’s my choice.

Raped

It’s over again.

Raped

He goes back downstairs,

Raped

I clean myself off.

I put all the sheets in the wash.

Raped

I bleed for one week from the wound.

Raped

He said he couldn’t believe it was my first time

Raped.

 

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