I wish there was a data base list of sexual harassers people had access to

 

I’ve been preoccupied with the idea of justice.

George denies he threw me on a table in front of a group of people and dry humped me. I know he’s lying. I have witnesses.

The DGA says it has a no tolerance policy for sexual harassment, yet there isn’t any info on how to file a complaint against a member. Most film and television production is done through a subsidiary company or LLC so a parent company can legally cover its ass. Employees of film and television production are work-for-hire. There really is no place safe to go if something terrible happens.

This is what needs to happen.

The Producers Guild of America needs to create a database. It will keep sexual harassment information about cast and crew members. It will include everything from unwelcome jokes, hostile abusive work environment, unwanted sexual advances, verbal sexual harassment, physical sexual harassment and so on.

It will name the person responsible for the harassment. It will allow the person who filed the complaint to remain publicly anonymous.

It will show if the perpetrator apologized.

It will give the victim a chance to speak in a safe place.

It will provide an opportunity for the harasser to learn from their behavior, correct it, and stop it. I imagine the offender going to classes to learn what is appropriate and not.

Instead of a silent network of sexual harassers and pedophiles having power, the victims of their unwanted behavior will.

People can use the database to look names up, and make choices based on their behavior, and if that person is wanted on set.

Personally, I believe there are plenty of talented and good people out there. Sure they may get testy on set, joke around, and flirt to get through the day, but they also know the line between appropriate and not. Between welcome and unwelcome. Hire those talented people. Not the other ones.

Who’s with me?

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It’s Never Just Once

Perhaps you think waiting 20 years is too long to wait to speak up. I don’t and here’s why.

20 years is time to heal, grow past trauma, and regain personal power. It’s time to forget and bury. It’s the time necessary because back then, no one spoke up and the unwritten violent rule of silence to survive was in place.

Yes, I said violent.

It’s violence sexual harassed people face. First the harassment violates the person, then the silent overwhelming pressure of shame gags us, and finally the last act of violence then was people were meant to keep their mouths shut.

And 20 years later you know what victims face? Doubt. The burden of proof. Remebering and reliving a past they kept buried. Being triggered by all these terrible stories.

These are reasons I kept quiet after I was thrown on a table and dry humped in front of a group of people.

  1.  They all laughed.
  2. Most of those who witnessed this horrendous act of sexual harassment were my bosses on a movie set. The aggressor was the first AD.
  3. They didn’t care. Producers, assistant director, line producers, drivers, knew it was wrong and still no one pulled him off.
  4. He didn’t get in trouble.
  5. I probably tried to uncomfortably laugh it off because in a room full of men no one had my back.
  6. You may be screaming at the screen, you should’ve quit and gone home.
  7. I was shooting on location and rented my own home out so I had no place to go. Literally, my personal things were in storage and I had no apartment to run back to.
  8. Who should I call? If the producers saw and the first AD did it, where was I supposed to go?

See, not so easy. rape_by_slytherin_prince

Why did I share my story one-and-a-half-years ago? Because I have a daughter and I want to empower her. Make sure she knows what’s right and wrong. That proving she’s strong enough is never the right reason to stay. Becasue that shit would never fly with me again. I’d fight back, if not in the moment, then after. I wouldn’t remain silent. I can say this because I’ve had 20 years to grow strong.

The media is full of stories. Reading them made me cry for 2 weeks remembering details of my abuse. A reporter(s) reached out. My abuser denied it.

And there you have it folks. A she said, he said, situation. And he is a well-known Hollywood producer and assistant director. I’m not.

The Director’s Guild of America recently published their no tolerance policy on their website. But they don’t have a form or a way I can find to file a complaint against a member. So really, how is that policy working?

20 years may be a long time to wait, but I don’t think so. The anchor of pain wraps its chain around a victim and holds them in place, may even drown them, if they speak.

And here’s my other thought. It’s never just one. If a person is so bold as to do what they did to me, do you think it was their first time? Or last? Do sexual predators ever have one victim?

I don’t think so.

Are you suffering from sexual harassment fatigue? Good.

Are you suffering from sexual harassment fatigue?

Good.

It’s not even the beginning of the truth. I bet there are millions of harassers fearing exposure and they’ll get lucky and their name will be left off the public shaming list. So many will get away with it again and again and again.

Victims are silent for many reasons.I don’t blame them. I understand their silence.

I was triggered, thrown back in time and space to the anxiety filled body and victim I was then. I remembered lost details and feeling, remembered more times of powerlessness and panic. It overwhelmed me. Made me forget the woman I am today.

I hope the wave of allegations and truth become a tsunami.

I hope our shared pain, shame, and honesty does something positive in this world.

I hope each person who was wronged receives an apology. Most of all I hope you’re okay.

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