Hope

Sorry for the silent treatment the past week. I was wrestling and then not wrestling with emotions and hope. Somehow the first visit to REACH for my IUI kind of made me disassociate from everything. Something in my mind snapped when I saw the word INFERTILITY next patient catagory. It seemed more final.

I felt very unattached from the process of having another child, it became a clinical thing instead of a love thing. It felt wrong that I had to get help, and it dumbfounded me when I saw all the other women struggling too. The only way I know how to protect myself from all of that wrongness is to not be attached to the outcome. It’s very Kabbalistic really… work hard toward a goal but let go of the outcome. Practically impossible right? That was how I was feeling.

Then I had an 8:30 AM appointment Sunday and got semi-exciting news. My left overy was working and producing 3 follicles 2 that are promising. One is 19 and the other 24. My lining ranks at a 10, they were looking for a 7. I feel so much less broken. I could actually see my body working. Tonight at 6 PM I take my Ovidrel shot. Wednesday morning I go in for more blood work and then later in the morning my IUI. I’m excited again. I feel hopeful that the Femera worked and this may actually work and why hadn’t anyone told me about this option A YEAR AGO?????? Was I too stubborn to hear it?  Or is this what is meant to be?

Wishing all my other infertility friends good luck this month. I have hope enough for all of us.