First Drafts

I distinctly remember reading that Stephenie Meyer, author of the Twilight series and Host, wrote the first draft of Twilight over the summer. And I thought, how the F-CK did she do that? She has kids and a husband right? How did she write all those words, craft scenes, and write a book in two months?

And then Francesca Lia Block taught a class on how to write a first draft in three months and I thought, how is that possible? I could never do that!!!

And then, this spring, I wanted to start writing Dear Dead Drunk Girl. I had a few fits and starts. Wrote some scenes but nothing felt right and I scrapped it all. Then I had a conversation with Lorin Oberweger and she got it. She totally understood what it was that I wanted to accomplish with my second book, she even ever so graciously and GENEROUSLY gave me my title and we set up a time and date to work together. Not wanting to waste money, an editor’s time or my time I set a schedule for myself. If I wrote 834 words per day Monday through Friday, from June through August I’d have a 50,000 word first draft. I then reminded myself that all first drafts are “shitty first drafts” (famous quote from Anne Lamont, in her book Bird by Bird: some instruction s on writing and life) I got to work. and you know what?…I’m doing it!

It didn’t come easy at first. There were a few days when I felt very confused. Why wasn’t the story working? I knew my main character, Mary. She’s one hundred percent flushed out and living in my head, her vodka soaked personality is vivid, but the story was flat. I stepped away from my keyboard and pulled out my new notebook, and a blue pen, (I hate writing in black ink) and started writing.

That’s when the second miracle happened. An outline sprang forth out of me. I am a self-proclaimed panster. (a fly by the seat of your pants writer) But oh no, not this time. I wrote and wrote and wrote- five pages of outline. And then I picked a chapter and started writing. And every day since then, I have done the same thing. Today I wrote 2,077 words.

I want to live in the ecstasy of this impossible dream come true. I set a goal, I am meeting, and exceeding it. I know I will have to go in and do some heavy lifting during my rewrites, but it’s joyous to have pages to revise. It’s amazing to me that maybe I can do this. Book two won’t take years and years to write. That I too, can write a first draft of a world-wide (aim high – go big- dream wildly- I always say) bestseller during the summer even with my little girl and husband’s demands on my time.

I hope you too are meeting a goal. Happy summer writing everyone!

Win a critique on pages or a query

Stephen Messer turned me onto this fabulous contest. Follow the link to: PROJECT MAYHEM

700 Reader Project Mayhem Blowout Giveaway!

Hello, everyone! Project Mayhem DJ cat is back to kick off our 700 Reader Project Mayhem Blowout Giveaway!!! We have tons of prizes from Agents, Authors, Book Bloggers, and even an Illustrator Portfolio Critique!

We have prizes from agents Marietta Zacker (Nancy Gallt) andStephen Fraser (Jennifer de Chiara Lit). Amazing illustrator,Kevan Atteberry will be critiquing one lucky illustrator’s online portfolio. Cynthia Leitich Smith and Stephen Messerhave graciously donated
a 10 page critique to two lucky writers!
Project Mayhem authors, Paul Greci, Marissa Burt, Michael Winchell, Matt Rush, Michael Gettel-Gilmartin, Hilary Wagner, James Milhaley, Lee Wardlaw, Chri Eboch, and Dianne Salerni will all be giving critiques as well! Check out our Team Mayhem Profiles to know what you’re getting into! We’ll also be giving out new books too, many signed, so if you’re a writer, illustrator, or reader, we’ve got you covered!

Good luck~!

 

Gayle Forman, Just One Day

I met Gayle Forman at the LA times Festival of Books, years ago, when it was still held on the UCLA campus, when my daughter was still a baby, in 2009. She was part of a YA panel that included Jandy Nelson and Sonya Sones. It was a panel on death in YA. I was dipping my toe into the genre, finding my way and learning all I could because I had an idea and I was attempting to write that idea into a book.

I settled into a middle row early on and watched as the room filled with other eager writers. Sonya snapped a photo of the audience, I smiled big and waved at the camera and became a face in the crowd of her memory. Little did she know, that this panel and its authors would fuel a growing fire inside me to follow my dream.

Sonya was the moderator and dove into the role with gusto that was refreshing and informative. I listened to Gayle, Jandy and Sonya wishing I could know each of them better. Gayle and Jandy had chemistry, a connection based on ideas and perspectives of the world.

Their connection was genuine and contagious and I wanted to be connected to that free flow of ideas and liked-mindedness. To be friends with them too, to sit and talk about how plants could tell moods, how the number eleven is everywhere in my life, that I speak to dragonflies and how hawks circle me, and wasn’t that was similar to them? Symbols and character voices are a part of the world I live in, but they were new and I wanted to affix to those who successfully tamed their sensory perceptions and  wrote engaging, heartfelt, sometimes joyful and then heart-wrenching stories.

However, since I’m not a stalker, I did what I could. I bought their books and waited in line to have them autographed. I remember the smell of the books. Jandy Nelson’s The Sky is Everywhere, thick hard cover with a heart and bold type artwork. The dark hair and blue eyes peering upward from the bottom of the soft cover of Gayle Foreman’s if i stay,  and Sonya Sone’s One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies, and I thought, my mother dies too. Torn between finding some shade and breaking into all the books at once and the desire to meet them and have them sign my books, I gave into the second and got into the long winding line, had my name written on a post-it so they could autograph my book especially to me, without misspelling my name.

As I inched toward the white pop up tent where they sat, joking with each other, their inside jokes and secret language easy to spot twenty people back, I began getting nervous. Would I say something? And if I do…what???? I was new at the whole YA thing. I hadn’t found my voice, figured out my story or have an inkling if I could write a whole book.

I was worried about starting out so late in life, I was forty, was that too old to begin a career in young adult publishing? I handed a book to Jandy first, she has soft eyes and an inviting smile. Gayle took her books too and I see both of their eyes on me. And before I have the thought to speak, I hear my nervous voice, the higher pitch version coming out of my throat and saying,”I’m trying to write a YA book too. Do you think it’s too late to start?” To which both Gayle and Jandy say, “NO!”

Jandy tells me she’s forty-four and this is her first book. And Gayle says something that I can’t quite recall, but it’s as if they give me permission to get over myself and do it, because they do it. She smiles at me. Jandy takes a picture of Gayle, and Gayle uses it as her author photo for a while. And for an instant I’m in on an inside joke.

I read Gayle’s work voraciously. I wonder how she uses such clear simple language and yet conveys so much to the reader. I’m in awe. I find her first book, Sisters in Sanity, and study how her writing has evolved, and see what makes her voice ping my heart every time I read it.

Then yesterday, I finished Just One Day and the book is full of moments that change a girl’s life. And I think, yes, in a way Gayle did that for me.

“…He said that earlier, about accidents, about never knowing which one is just a kind in the road and which one is a fork, about never knowing your life is changing until it’s already happened.”

I love this, and she had that same effect on me. The idea I had when I showed up at the LA Times Festival of Books was the seed for What Death has Touched. It took me a while to find my way, and figure out the story and work my craft to shape it, but I did it. And if weren’t for the kindness of a stranger, a woman I admire, along with a smile and a “yes you can” I don’t know if my dream of writing a young adult novel would come true. I wouldn’t have met all the authors, agents and editors I call my friends. My life would be less complete, definitely less rich, because all I ever wanted to do was write stories, it’s just I got sidetracked by another career for a while.

I hope that you too have those encounters in your life. The small moments when the click happens and a shift occurs, quietly or even with a bang. I hope you ride out the storm and find yourself happier because of it. Because for me life it about growth and change, without those what’s the point? And without happy accidents the jourey less fun.

So thank you Gayle Forman for continuing to inspire me. And I can’t wait to read Willem’s side of the story!

Kimberley Griffiths Little interview and autographed book giveaway!

My ninja agent friend Tracey Adams of Adams Literary, the world-class boutique literary agency exclusively representing children’s and young adult authors and artists, introduced me to Kimberley Griffiths Little a little over one year ago and she and I have been forging a friendship ever since. We originally bonded over yorkshire pudding, (I made some and posted about how I added bacon to the top) and then slowly discovered the similarities in our lives despite the fact we have never met face to face and she lives in New Mexico and I’m in North Carolina. Our husbands are both named Rusty, her son is Aaron my brother has the same name- spelled different, Arin. She generously read a draft or two of my book and gave me notes, mentoring me in the art of writing. Our friendship grew and we discovered more similarities- including a spooky one…my book, What Death has Touched, deals with a terrible car crash that kills a mother and her seventeen-year-old daughter on December 18th, Kimberley had a parallel real-life experience on December 19th when her father was killed in an airplane accident when she was a young teenager. I tell you, our friendship was meant to be.

And now after reading her newest release When the Butterflies Came, I see we have more in common. I have keys, all sorts of keys and I talk to butterflies. No doubt she and I were sisters in another life or parallel universe.

When the Butterflies Came weaves a mystery with clues left from grandma in letters and magical butterflies that take the reader from a crumbling mansion in New Orleans to the exotic island of Chuuk in the South Pacific.

I’m delighted to share this Kimberley Griffiths Little interview with you- and announce we are giving away  an autographed copy of When the Butterflies Came to one lucky reader.

All you have to do is leave a comment about a butterfly or key in the comments section and I will randomly select a winner on April 18th, 2013.(I promise to be fair and use a program to select the winner  :))

Q: Tell us how this idea of When the Butterflies Came came to you?

A. It all started one day when my mind kept turning to one of the minor character from my book Circle of Secrets (a bayou/swamp ghost story). I found myself wanting to know more about her. She’s a 7^th generation *Pantene Princess* of the Doucet family who lives in an old plantation house in the South. I mean, who doesn’t want to be Scarlett O’Hara! As I started to think about her, a very curious picture began to emerge—not one I’d originally, on the surface, assumed. The most popular girl at school with silky waterfall hair was actually living in a crumbling mansion house (the trust fund is gone and they’re trying to “keep up appearances”) with a bratty older sister—and she’s got a touch of OCD. The rug fringe in the front hall must be perfectly laid!

The person Tara is closest to, her Grammy Claire, is a research scientist studying some unusual butterflies in Micronesia. She’s even got a laboratory in a tree house. I also *love* the name for butterfly on the island of Chuuk: nipwisipwis – and with that word ideas for the story began to burst forth. Tara receives a set of mysterious letters and keys, which leads her on a dangerous journey as she discovers more and more about the butterflies. There are bad guys, too! Tara finds out she’s smarter and tougher than she ever thought, and, of course, the relationships of the characters is always a big component in my books as well as the magical realism.

Q: Did you always know you would tie the characters of Circle of Secrets to When the Butterflies Came?

A. Nope! I NEVER planned for any of my books after The Healing Spell to end up having connections with each other. Each book can be independently read and they are about completely different characters and stories (a ghost story, a mystery, and time travel), but its fun to create those little connections – because in a small town people *are* going to know each other!

Q: Do butterflies ever follow you? Only on sunny, happy days. Or maybe butterflies *create* sunny, happy days!

A. I think that’s exactly right. When you see butterflies, or even pictures of butterflies you automatically feel good! Butterflies are magical to us because they go through this incredible metamorphosis, changing from a green, slimy caterpillar into a peculiar chrysalis and then bursting out of their cocoon into a gorgeous colorful butterfly. Sort of like reincarnation or resurrection!

Q: What excerpt do you read when you visit a school?

A. Usually, I read the first chapter or part of the first chapter. I think it sets the tone of the book and the MC’s personality as well as setting up the mystery right away.

Q: How did you discover the island of Chuuk?

A. While I was researching butterflies, I did a search for butterfly in various languages around the world. I adored the word for butterfly in Chuukese and the rest is history. I live in the desert of the Southwest so I miss the ocean of California where I grew up and it was great fun to set half of the book on the island and the beach, using some underground, spooky grottos as part of the plot. Luckily, I found a few people that had lived on the Island of Chuuk and I was able to interview them and see their pictures and ask lots of questions. Plus I watched a lot of Youtube videos set on Chuuk. It’s got a very intriguing history from the WWII era, too. Dozens of Japanese ships were sunk in the last year of the war and now lie off the coastline in their watery graves. People from around the world travel there to scuba dive and see the ships.

Q: Where can someone meet you? Are you currently on a book tour?

A. I’m not on a physical book tour, but I’m being featured on various book blogs over the next month. Go here to see an interview at Literary Rambles with LOTS of book writing advice: http://www.literaryrambles.com/2013/04/kimberley-griffiths-little-interview.html?

And the amazing story of Me and Richard Peck here: http://nerdybookclub.wordpress.com/2013/04/02/me-and-richard-peck-yes-the-richard-peck-by-kimberley-griffiths-little/

I’m also presenting and critiquing at the Niagara Falls Writer’s Conference May 2-5. It’s a fantastic conference with an incredible line-up of bestselling authors like Ellen Hopkins and Sara Zarr and several agents and editors. There are still slots available, and it’s very affordable since the price includes hotel room and meals. Check it out here: http://niagararetreatandconference.com/the-faculty/

Q: Do you classify this book as MG or YA? How do you decide how old to make a character?

It’s MG and I adore MG books because they’re the kind of books that turn kids into life-long readers. It’s such an important and pivotal age for kids, but they still view the world as magical and wondrous and they love a good mystery and action story. I try to oblige that love. J

Q: Did you plot the story before ever writing a word?

A. Yes, I do. It’s not a super detailed outline, but after a few weeks or months of thinking about my characters and ideas I’ll finally get serious about putting it into something that makes sense instead of trying to keep track inside my random and often very scattered brain. I grab a stack of 3×5 cards to get the main plot points down on paper. 3×5 cards aren’t very intimidating, which is one reason I like them. Once I have 20-40 cards with scenes, snippet of ideas or plot points written on them, it’s helpful to shuffle the cards around on the floor or my dining room table, which helps me put things in order. You can *see* your whole book spread out in front of you. Doing that also shows me where I have holes or weaknesses so I just brainstorm and add more cards. I love this method and have used it for my last several books. I even did a video about 3×5 Card Plotting for WriteOnCon’s online conference last summer and they put it on Youtube.

Q: Have you ever thrown out a plot?

A. Of course! Some ideas come when I’m noodling around with a new book that end up just not working in the *big picture* of where the characters are taking me. The idea or plot doesn’t go anywhere significant, or it doesn’t make sense for that particular character or setting so it’s *tossed* – or saved and kept in a folder for a future book . . .

Q: What’s the most rewarding part of being a writer?

A. Fan Mail from kids. Some of it makes me weepy.

Q: What is the most frustrating thing about being a writer?

A. Revisions! I’m constantly trying to become a better writer and it’s frustrating when my words aren’t as good as what I want them to be.

Q: What can fans expect next?

A. I’ll have another middle-grade novel with Scholastic published Summer of 2014 (time-slipping and a cursed doll!) and then Fall of 2014 will be my YA DEBUT with Harpercollins. (We don’t have a firm title yet so I’ll stay mum on that). I’m excited, thrilled, and terrified all at once. It’s a project I’ve been researching and working on for ten years so to sell it to such a wonderful publisher is incredibly satisfying. The trilogy is about belly dance in the women’s world of the ancient Middle East, including the Goddess Temples of Ashtoreth, a forbidden romance and tribal warfare.

Thank you so much for having me, Holly! These were great questions and a lot of fun.

Here are a few links:

http://www.kimberleygriffithslittle.com/

http://www.kimberleygriffithslittle.blogspot.com/

Twitter: @KimberleyGLittl

And I’m very active on Facebook.

Hysteria

Monday, I got to chat a bit with Megan Miranda at a Women’s National Book Association meet the author event. I invited Megan to the event, I know I’m lucky like that, because ever since our brief meeting at SCBWI Carolina’s conference I knew I liked her and after reading her book Fracture,  I knew I loved her writing. And last night I stayed up way past my bedtime to finish reading Hysteria. 
Then I felt guilty this morning.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book, I loved the plot, writing, and the suspense….what I felt guilty about is reading the book in three days. I’ve talked with Megan about her writing journey, and the revisions and rewrites it took to get Hysteria and Fracture complete. And I thought I ought to savor the words it took so long to write instead of devour them. I think about the effort I’m exerting now in this latest revision to my book, trying to take it from good to professional, and how I had to turn the inner editor on and let her go hog-wild telling me to change-up the pattern of my natural writing voice, where to add the emotion that is bottled up inside me about each character and place it on the page so readers can love them as much as I do.

I judge myself for the length of time it takes me to do this. Yesterday I revised seven pages, it took all day to do it and I’m about to reread them to see if I like any of what I did or not. Writing is serious work. And that’s why I felt so guilty about reading Megan’s work so quickly, but when it’s that entertaining and suspenseful, there is no putting a good book down. Hope you stop by a local bookstore or click to buy and enjoy them too. You won’t be sorry!

Go here find out more about Megan Miranda 

Rookie error

I think I may have made a fatal rookie error in my query.

In my query, I quote an agent who read the first twenty pages of my book (an older draft, including pages I have rewritten, updated and made better)and liked the mother daughter relationship and thought my book was marketable. I use that quote in my query. The agent feedback was part of a Society of Children’s Writers and Illustrators, SCBWI, critique I paid for. The agent did not ask to read the rest of my book.

By including this quote am I shooting myself in the foot? Am I announcing to perspective agents, hey this person liked the relationship but not enough to keep the book away from you. You should pass on it too or you look like a loser who is taking on second best! 

Or am I over reacting? Please advise.

How do I start writing again?

I’m lost. I miss writing LIFE-LIKE. I knew the story and my characters so well. I knew where the story went, what needed to be done to make it better, and ultimately when it was time to begin querying agents. And now I’m home alone without it and it sucks.

I don’t know how my prolific friends do it or those authors who write a series. Tell me, please. How did you move on?

Before I was finished with  LIFE-LIKE, I dreamed about the next story. I was excited thinking I had another story in me. I jotted down chapter titles, plot ideas and themes. But I can’t seem to move on them. The page is still empty. I can’t flush it out. Perhaps it’s anxiety from querying. I’m not sure. I have to catch fire again.

I know all sorts of tricks. I could sit and write for five minutes. I could pick a random sentence from a book and see what it inspires me to write. I could randomly choose three words from a book and see how I could weave them together in a ten minute writing exercise. I could read one of the six books I have stacked up on my to read list. But something is holding me back. I wish I had a writing partner, a friend to sit next to as I begin my first draft.

Hmm, maybe if I tell you a little about my idea? The next story involves a character from LIFE-LIKE. Her name is Mary and she’s a train wreck. She’s an alcoholic, party girl who makes many mistakes and yet she has a big heart, despite her bravado.

Anyway, any advice you can share about how you keep writing is appreciated.

One week ago tomorrow, I sent my first query and submission to an agent.  Want to know what I’ve been doing since then? Recuperating. Seriously, I have. Once I committed to releasing LIFE-LIKE into the inbox narcolepsy took control. I could barely keep my eyes open an hour after.

I have similar fits of sleepiness when I write scenes that challenge me. I almost always lay down in bed, the Sand Man busy dumping bushels of narcoleptic toxins over me. I always lay down with a pen and notebook by my side, knowing my subconscious will do wonders and help me. I nearly always have a breakthrough as sleep attempts to overtake me. I scribble notes across the blank sketchbook page and trust there will be something to work with when I wake up later.

But this is different. This is me with no control. It’s back to that taste and timing thing I mentioned a few weeks ago. Man, was that easier to say when years of work were still safe and sound, in my computer and under my control.

I know I should get cracking on the next book. I know what I’m going to write about. I even have a bit of an outline. But I can’t do it. I don’t know if I’m waiting for my first no to kick-start me. I hope not. I pray for a yes, but understand the statistical rarity. How many writers are repped by the first agent they query? Anyone want to chime in there?

I’ve built a spreadsheet. I pulled out my film producer hat and created order for my querying process. The header includes: date submitted, agent name, email, agent preferences, authors the agent reps, submission guidelines, and the name of a person I know who knows them (if they gave me approval to use their name). I see if they represent something a little too close to mine, and make sure I don’t query those who wouldn’t like my style or high concept.

I try to remember, during the SCBWI Carolina’s conference September 28-30 2012, Susan Chung,  editor at Tor Books, would have kept reading my book after hearing the 200 words read aloud. And agent Anna Olswanger, Liza Dawson Associates said, “The  writing flows and the dialogue is snappy. the high school setting is believable, as are the characters, and I ike Liv’s moment of vulnerability when Billy says, “I’m not with her”…” Ms. Olswanger went on to say,” I think this will be marketable. It has a believable teen setting with ghost story and romance, and it shows a girl and her mother who love each other, which is refreshing in YA literature.” That feedback is valuable.

I dont’ think it’s right to tell you who I submitted to. I will once the three week exclusive they requested is over. I respect them and honestly don’t want to risk upsetting them or muck up my chances with them. My hands and armpits start to sweat when I think about them reading or not reading my work. I will have to turn my focus toward Halloween. I love Halloween. Then I’ll start the first draft of my next book, title TBD.

Please, cross your fingers and say a little prayer for -LIFE-LIKE finding an agent and publisher soon. Thanks!

 

Fracture

I have so much to say about Megan Miranda‘s debut YA book FRACTURE, I don’t know where to begin. So please excuse a bit of rambling.

I love meeting writers and then reading their work. It’s fascinating to me to see the face, eyes, smile and body language behind the creative force. Plus, those I have met are supportive, and nothing is better than a published author cheering on a writer who is trying to get published.

I met Miranda at the SCBWI Carolina’s event a few weeks back. I wasn’t sure how I would approach her, until I read the cover of FRACTURE. It reads: a lot can happen in eleven minutes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, you probably don’t know that the number 11 is magical in my life. All sorts of good and bad things happen on 11. I’ll give you a few instances so you can get an idea: My house burned down in November (11) got married the first time on 11/4 and divorced on 4/11. My daughter was born on 3/26, add those up=11 at 6:50PM (6+5=11) I look at the clock practically every day at 11:11. You may think I’m reaching, but I’m not 11′s are everywhere in my life. So when I read the tag line, knowing Megan couldn’t have ever known it would mean anything spectacular to me, I had to meet her and ask her why 11. The trick is how to introduce myself and not scare her.

The SCBWI Carolina’s Fall Conference had an evening event that allowed everyone to nosh and get books autographed. It was my chance to meet Megan, or so I thought. Megan’s book sold out at the event, I had nothing for her to sign. I walked up to her and saw one book sitting by her and asked if I could have that one, but unfortunately it was Alan Gratz‘s. I was bummed and pulled out my phone and ordered it immediately on amazon.com. Luckily the next morning, during the last event, I was seated in the back of the room, and had to leave for a moment to use the restroom. I pulled a chair out of the row so as not to disturb anyone else. When I returned Megan had taken my place. Opportunity!

I waited for a break in the action and wrote her a note, yes just like I was still in school, and asked if she wrote locally. (I was curious who at the conference was local and a potential critique partner in the future) Then when the speaker was done I asked her about the 11 minute thing and told her how that number was important to me. She got it and then asked me about my book. I gave her my little pitch on LIFE-LIKE and she said it was the kind of thing she liked. I told her my first page was read the night before and she remembered it, in a good way. I liked her. I like her science background, my dad is a chemical engineer, and I like how cool she is.

Fast forward to yesterday. I spent all day reading, which is a serious luxury.  I read FRACTURE. I didn’t want to stop reading FRACTURE. I was mesmerized by the similarities in our story in the first ten pages. We had parallel set ups and relationships between characters. It was fascinating to me, despite the thread of similarities, that we had unique perspectives on best friends who are a boy and a girl, who love each other but can’t figure it out. In both of our stories, friends pull apart and may not recover. A single event changes her protagonist Delany’s life as does an event alter my Liv. Yet, ultimately  LIFE-LIKE and FRACTURE are nothing alike. And that’s the magic of writing. Each writer has their own spin on a story.

Megan’s writing is clean and sharp. Her characters are vivid and the tension builds with the turn of every page. I marvel at how she dropped clues, weaved in danger, pity, lust, and pain. I envy the speed at which she is able to crank out a draft or three. It took her a year to write and rewrite FRACTURE.

So to sum it up, Megan Miranda’s FRACTURE is a must read. Pick it up. Don’t be embarrassed if you are not a teen. Download it to your Kindle or Nook, no one will know what book it is that you can’t put down. I look forward to her next book HYSTERIA, coming out in February 2013. And a fun bit of trivia, she wrote HYSTERIA first, but she didn’t get a deal until she wrote FRACTURE and then sold both. Proving once again, you can’t always know your path to success.

 

 

Husband’s Feedback

My husband liked my book. I’ll paraphrase his kind words.

“You managed to accomplish what 95% of people who start a book don’t. You finished it. And of the five percent who finish only three percent write a good book. This is a good book.” He hugged me too. That was a wonderful. And there was no way that was all he had to say.

The week before I gave my book to him, I sent a copy to Kimberley Griffiths Little. She sent me positive feedback the same day my husband finished reading my book. Her feedback began:

I’ve finished reading and enjoyed it very much. You have a unique premise and twists and turns that are great. Your descriptions are really good, very beautiful in places. I also got a good sense of Ventura Beach and the setting, especially when they’re in the car with Mary and she’s drinking, etc. The kissing scenes with Billy are really, really good, too! Very sexy.

She treated me like a professional and gave me a critique on how to improve my book. I immediately wrote her back and thanked her for her insights and got to work brainstorming so I could meet her challenge and raise the bar on my work, bringing it to the next level. Kimberley believes if I do it successfully I will have more interest in LIFE-LIKE. How could I refuse? No, not me, not this girl! Why would I let two years of work go to waste because my ego got a bit scuffed? It doesn’t matter that I thought I was done revising it until my dream agent took me as a client and gave me a few notes. The gauntlet was set, and I was going to work my way through it.

After my husband gave me his feedback I told him what she said. He agreed. Her note made sense to him. It made sense to me too, but there was a teeny bit of disbelief in me. You see, they reminded me I don’t always put what’s in my mind on the page. It’s a VERY ANNOYING habit. I don’t recommend it if you’re a writer.

I needed to deepen the back story and interpersonal relationships between my main characters. The only way I could invision doing that was to add drama. So I thought of a scenario that makes the mother a little less likable, eek, but gave a greater motivation for the chain reaction that follows. It took me all day Thursday, to write five pages. I had to believe in the changes, see them, feel them, and write them. That meant making a few big edits.

I loved the opening page of my book. But it’s changing with this revision. I never imagined this fight I created. If it’s making me this uncomfortable does that mean it’s good? Were my characters too likable? (Insert heavy sigh.) The ripple throughout the book is going to flex my mental and imaginative muscles. I feel my darlings lining up against the firing wall. It feels like bits and pieces of me are being killed too.

And I can’t talk about my anxiety with my husband, he doesn’t want to listen to me as I pace around the house flinging my hands in the air working out the details. He sees the work I do but doesn’t always understand it.

Since I have to vent my anxiety,  you’re getting a full dose. I don’t want to send out a sub-par book. I want it to be better than anyone expects. Sometimes the best creativity is twisted out of us by outside forces. And I am thankful that the forces behind me have my best interest at heart. I just hope I can deliver and survive the change in my characters.